Eunioa…Well Minded
The mind is a strange and beautiful space. Some days all I know are the difficulties I put onto myself. After getting laid off because of a robbery at the jewelry company, I haven’t been able to decide the next step. My thoughts fill with fear and the words string together in endless disarray. Will I be able to get a new job? Will I be able to make enough money to support myself? Will I have to settle for another 9-5? The will to stop these thoughts has been lessened with every dollar spent. It wears on the mind how much pressure we tend to put ourselves under with our own high expectations being the monster in the closet never allowing the mind to be at ease. Sometimes it’s an almost bipolar level of mental switch when I do believe in myself. In the rare moments when the lights come on and there’s no monsters in the closet, I am happy with the lifestyle I live now. Being on tv and film and working new sets and new locations each week is thrilling and allows so much more leeway for life. I have been involved in more projects than ever and have created a networking opportunity each and every time I arrive on set. I knew I wouldn’t go back to a full time job before we left for Bali but now that we leave for Breakaway and Bali in a week I fear the devils in my mind trying to ruin the excitement of this adventure on something I cannot work on or change until I return. The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future, so for now I’ll stay in my present.
I will not fear what I cannot predict or change. I will free myself of these fearful thoughts and remain in a a state of Eunoia until it is time to determine the road I will travel down. If I can I’d love to continue the freelance life and build an income through photo editing, modeling, and all types of content creation. If not though I want to work for brands like Banter and Windsor or just a brand I have enjoyed in these last few years. I know I have high goals but they are within reach, it’s just disappointing that life in general costs what it does.
I’m grateful though; for my mental state and the fact that I attend to it in a way that allows me to realize my own devil thoughts and acknowledge my own subconscious, for my partner Kael who I appreciate even when we butt heads because it’s hard to find a relationship that is also a partner who will walk side by side with me, for reminding myself there are different career and life opportunities that allow for more than 8hrs at a desk 5days a week.
Up next: Breakaway to Bali May 4th-20th
